Chocolate, first drafts, and grace, among other things
I recently listened to a brief but compelling TED talk featuring Anne Lamott, and I am too excited not to share my impressions on its message. Lamott is a brilliant writer and author of many novels, including one of my all-time favorites Bird by Bird.
In this talk, Lamott elaborates upon the things in this life that she knows for sure, without a doubt. Her use of metaphor is uniquely mind-blowing, causing me to view everyday phenomena in a different light. At one point, she equates "laughter" with "carbonated holiness". I am not entirely sure what she means, but I think that is part of her brilliance. It can perhaps mean different things to different people. This ties in with Lamott's first point of discussion: "All truth is a paradox". But wait, doesn't that precisely discount her unwavering belief in these topics for which she has no doubt? I don't think so - she is merely showing that while these truths are undeniable for her, others may choose to find different truths of their own. I agree with this concept of relativism in the majority of circumstances, however I do believe in the concept of absolute truth, and in that case there is absolutely nothing paradoxical.
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you". Oh - this is so true. This not-so-clandestine trick has saved me many a trip to Apple or Verizon. As a self-proclaimed introvert, I completely understand the need to shut myself off for a few minutes (at least) every day. A common misunderstanding of introverts is that they don't like to be around people. I love to be around people; in fact, I much prefer it to being on my own. However, I am resigned to the fact that solo me-time is essential; without it I tend to check out a little too early in the day, and that's no fun for anyone.
"Help is the sunny side of control". Guilty. I love to help people. I love to find a problem that I can fix and fix it. But what if people don't want my unsolicited solutions? My mom has told me for years - it isn't my job to fix other people's problems. I do believe that my desire to help is in part an unselfish desire to serve, but my subconscious often secretly loves the egotistical gratification and satisfaction that helping brings. It gives me control, or at least the fabricated idea of control. As I continue along the harrowing decade of my 20's, I am slowly realizing all of the factors over which I have absolutely no control. The once contained bubble of my life inevitably popped as more information and people and ideas were shoved into it, and it is now a bit of a mess, but a beautiful mess. Learning to let go of control in my life has transferred over into my relationships with others, particularly my family. If they want my help, they will ask for it. Until then, it really isn't my job to be poking fingers, especially when I have plenty of cleaning up to do for my own sake.
"Try not to compare your insides to other people's outsides." Wow. This reveals a truth about the comparison game that is implied yet rarely addressed. When we compare ourselves to others, we aren't on a level playing field to begin with. We are taking our own thoughts, emotions, fears, and social constructs, and we are comparing that chaos to that recent conversation we had with so-and-so, in addition to the most recent post on so-and-so's facebook page, instagram, or blog. To make a scientific analogy, it is highly unlikely that the comparison game will ever be anabolic in any respect; its framework sets each of us up for failure. It is pure metabolic catabolism in the making.
"Chocolate with 75% cacao is not actually a food...It was never meant to be considered an edible." Ouch; this was painful to hear. Now I know that (most) truth is a paradox, and I am not out to hate on the milk-chocolate lovers, but the palatability of dark chocolate seems quite infallible to me. 75% (or for that matter, 85%) dark chocolate is one of my love languages. Particularly Santosha (I highly recommend the green-packaged one with goji berries in it. It's weird, but the flavors work wonderfully). As the percentage of cacao gets smaller and smaller, you are literally diluting the one ingredient that makes chocolate so magical. Milk is a (albeit very delicious) additive, and is therefore nonessential.
Moving on. Lamott points out the two most important things about writing - "bird by bird" and "really god awful first drafts". This isn't just important for writing but for life in general. Take things one step at a time, regardless of whether those steps are baby waddles or leaps of faith. I am learning to accept the awfulness of my first drafts. Currently these drafts are taking the forms of IVs, otoscopes, and the dixie water cups that they hand you at marathon aid stations. Yes, there are those natural prodigies out there - but they are few and far between, and I am certainly not one of them. One's craft must be perfected tens, hundreds, or thousands of times over. There is a reason that physicians are in "practice" and that writers have editors and peer reviewers.
"Publication won't fill the holes inside of you but writing can". The road to success is what is actually fulfilling. Each day I am learning to love the process more and depend on the outcome less. It isn't any easy lesson to master.
"Earth is forgiveness school; it begins with forgiving yourself." Mic drop. I will let that one just sink in.
"Food - try to do a little better." I could get on my soapbox about the proper way to eat, but no one wants to listen to a lecture. But seriously, if you think you hate vegetables, get some brussel sprouts, coat them in olive oil and salt, and roast them at 425° in the oven for 30 minutes. Try to stop yourself from consuming the whole darn pan.
"Grace is spiritual WD40" and "grace always bats last." I think this fits into the forgiveness school category above. Preach it Anne.
The secret of life - "go outside a lot and look up". We miss so much in life when we walk around staring at our phones. I try to consciously remind myself not only to look up but to look straight ahead and see who, or what, meets my gaze. We live in a world of blissful oblivion, failing to realize how much more there is out there, just within a fingertips reach.
Unfortunately I must end on another area of disagreement. Anne closed her talk with a comment on death - "Almost every single death is easy and gentle with people surrounding you." As a future healthcare provider, I have come to the realization that many deaths are neither easy nor gentle. They are painful for the patient and for the family. Some patients die long before their hearts stop beating, and their families face difficult decisions that no one should have to make. I recently read somewhere that the average person lives for 11 years in sickness before they die. I wish I could change that statistic, but the miraculous advancing medical technologies come with side effects. The longer we are living as a population, the more drastic the effects of old age and dementia are becoming. More thoughts on this in a few years, once I am no longer a student and there is a bit more merit to my opinion.